The first time that I thought that I wasn’t good enough was in second grade. My best friend at the time was suddenly friends with the popular girls and she believed that bullying me would mean a reserved spot with them. I'd lost my best friend. I tried to get over this, but I never really could because I could not comprehend not being wanted by someone. My cousin came to visit me in Chicago from New York City during the fall of fifth grade. He promised me that the next time that I would see him, he would take me to see his photography company in the city. I was so excited to go because I've never been. I took my time with my cousin for granted for just a couple months later; he died suddenly from a heart attack. His promise to me was broken. After his death, I become depressed. The summer before I was going into middle school, I wanted to get more friends. And I thought that I'd try to fix my appearance, improve my grades and become more athletic. I started changing my behaviors. Every day, I went on the scale. When school started, I fooled everyone at school that I was a “perfect” kid; my grades were some of the best in the class, I could keep pace with the boys in PE and girls always complemented my style. Some would think that this is what would be happiness, but I wasn’t. No one wanted to hang out with me outside of school. I asked and they would always reply with a lame excuse. My weight dropped even more. The words, "Maybe if I was thinner", always pounded through my head. One day I got so scared of my appearance that I told my mom. She talked to me and we decided that I was going to get professional help. When I met the doctor, I was not diagnosed with anything, but she said that if I hadn’t come in when I did, I would have been diagnosed anorexic within a month. The thing about middle school that bothered me was that everyone seemed to have a group of friends. Everybody belonged besides me. Everybody called me perfect or nice or smart or pretty. But I felt like I wasn’t ever good enough for anyone. By freshman year, I was determined to find myself. I filled up my schedule with outrageous classes, put on a happy mask and tried to be a friend to everyone. Things started to get better; my weight had started to increase, I had a football player boyfriend and finally discovered who I at least I thought I was and I thought I was getting better. Then the tables started to turn. I found out that my boyfriend was lying to me and was doing things behind my back. To me, my ‘friends’, my boyfriend and what felt like the whole school, didn’t tell me because I wasn’t good enough. My grades dropped. My friends stopped talking to me because they didn’t understand me or decided that being friends with my ex-boyfriend was better idea. By the end of the school year, I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety. I even attempted suicide twice. During the summer after freshman year, I purposefully stopped talking to all of the “friends” that were not supportive of me when I really needed them. I was also finally diagnosed with anorexia. At one point I almost tried to force myself into different eating disordered behaviors when I was at summer camp. I personally thank my counselor for deciding to never leave me alone. I don’t even know if it was intentional, but that little gesture meant so much to me. She was the first person who was able to make me believe that I was and am good enough. Because of my counselor, I've dedicated myself to recovery. But, I still relapsed. I went to my mom again and I was entered in a hospital. I spent eight weeks receiving treatment. I lost support from some of my closest friends because they thought that my eating disorder was a choice. Instead, I turned to my passion of singing and my choir. Everyone encouraged me while I was gone. Recovering is hard. But it is worth it and I can actually say that I'm happy. I’ve learned who my real friends are and what I want in life. I'm strong enough to be able to encourage other teens to get help. And most importantly, I finally believe that I'm good enough, because I always was! Yes, I've lots of catch up work to do for school, but I have teachers and peers that help me. I wear everyday a small ring that says, “Hope”, as a reminder to be positive. And instead of writing and thinking negative things I now draw the recovery symbol with pride and write the words, “I am enough”. It has taken over four years of hard work to be able to say those three words, but I've never been more proud of myself. Finally, I want to enforce that many people think that there is such a thing as “perfect” but there is not. Everyone is an individual and is beautiful in his or her own way. Everybody has his or her own story to be told. Whether you know it or not you are worth it. Don’t be too quick to judge people, but be supportive of everyone. Most importantly, even if you can’t believe it now, you are good enough.
Some questions to ponder about....
(A) With reference to the article, specify what causes the author to suffer from anorexia.
(B) What do you think made the author want to recover from anorexia?
(C) Why do you think the writer tried to be someone she wasn't?
(D) Why wasn't Annie satisfied with herself? Did the fact that no one wanted to befriend her even though many thought that she 'was a perfect kid' and that her 'grades were some of the best in class' make her feel any worse? Why?
(B) What do you think made the author want to recover from anorexia?
(C) Why do you think the writer tried to be someone she wasn't?
(D) Why wasn't Annie satisfied with herself? Did the fact that no one wanted to befriend her even though many thought that she 'was a perfect kid' and that her 'grades were some of the best in class' make her feel any worse? Why?
Tumblr Quotes on Anorexia
- 'the worst things in life come free to us' -anonymous
- 'every single time that i feel like things are getting better, i am constantly being knocked down' -testimony of a sufferer of anorexia
Answers for the above questions
(A) With reference to the article, specify what causes the author to suffer from anorexia.
- There was insecurity of who she was due to the rejection she faced by her friends, the grievance caused by the loss of her loved one and she wanted to be accepted into society.
(B) What do you think made the author want to recover from anorexia?
- She wanted to regain her old-self by believing that she is good enough and does not want to be easily affected by those around her and not to let those who supported her down.
(C) Why do you think the writer tried to be someone she wasn't?
- She was unsure of herself and did not like the fact that she was not accepted by her peers, lest by her best friend. It was made worse when she felt that she did not do much with her cousin before he passed on. She was in a great state of depression and thought that by being accepted by her peers was a good way to overcome her grief. Hence, her low self esteem made her want to be someone else so that she could feel better about the entire situation. However whatever she did, did not make anything better, but instead, it made it worse as it affected her personal well-being.
(D) Why wasn't Annie satisfied with herself? Did the fact that no one wanted to befriend her even though many thought that she 'was a perfect kid' and that her 'grades were some of the best in class' make her feel any worse? Why?
- She is uncertain on the decisions she makes and she does not feel good about herself for she thinks that other people are better than her in terms of looks. She is confused with the many things that are going on in her life and thinks that whatever she does is wrong. She feels that she is always on the losing end because there are consequences to all her actions.
Yes, as it made her lose her self esteem even more and made her feel left out and unwanted. All she wanted was to be accepted into her group of friends, and even that did not turn out right. Hence, it made her feel worse and caused her uncertainty, leading to her choice of eating little, making her become anorexic unknowingly.
(A) With reference to the article, specify what causes the author to suffer from anorexia.
- There was insecurity of who she was due to the rejection she faced by her friends, the grievance caused by the loss of her loved one and she wanted to be accepted into society.
(B) What do you think made the author want to recover from anorexia?
- She wanted to regain her old-self by believing that she is good enough and does not want to be easily affected by those around her and not to let those who supported her down.
(C) Why do you think the writer tried to be someone she wasn't?
- She was unsure of herself and did not like the fact that she was not accepted by her peers, lest by her best friend. It was made worse when she felt that she did not do much with her cousin before he passed on. She was in a great state of depression and thought that by being accepted by her peers was a good way to overcome her grief. Hence, her low self esteem made her want to be someone else so that she could feel better about the entire situation. However whatever she did, did not make anything better, but instead, it made it worse as it affected her personal well-being.
(D) Why wasn't Annie satisfied with herself? Did the fact that no one wanted to befriend her even though many thought that she 'was a perfect kid' and that her 'grades were some of the best in class' make her feel any worse? Why?
- She is uncertain on the decisions she makes and she does not feel good about herself for she thinks that other people are better than her in terms of looks. She is confused with the many things that are going on in her life and thinks that whatever she does is wrong. She feels that she is always on the losing end because there are consequences to all her actions.
Yes, as it made her lose her self esteem even more and made her feel left out and unwanted. All she wanted was to be accepted into her group of friends, and even that did not turn out right. Hence, it made her feel worse and caused her uncertainty, leading to her choice of eating little, making her become anorexic unknowingly.